Friday, 23 July 2010

“What we are is God's gift to us. What we become is our gift to God.” Eleanor Powell

Since my first year at LST ended, I've been non-stop. Job interviews, away with the family, working full time and then some truly wonderful birthday celebrations before heading back to work! Now I am gearing up to begin my vacation placement with the Hertfordshire Partnership Mental Health Trust Spirituality Department. If that's not enough, for the first time in my live I will be living completely alone for a fortnight, flat sitting for Simon and Suzy. I'm excited to finally be able to act on some of the dreams and passions I've had over the past year and take another step towards what being a grown up as I live alone for a while. 

Joining the 'rat race', commuting up to London everyday and travelling around to different 'centres' in London for work has been a really interesting experience, throughout which the constant refrain in my head has been 'I'm enjoying this - and what's more I will be able to understand something of what the thousands of people who run the rat race every day go through so that I can pastor to them'. Through the most far away experiences from being a pastor, I am learning that God is training me for what he has planned. 

It's weird, because the terror that I so often have felt before big events; starting a new school year exams etc is notably absent. Throughout the interview process I was blessed with what I know to be a God-given calm. I am not a calm person. I panic. I flap and flail. This time, the terror - and I am not exaggerating when I call it terror - had dissipated and in it's place was a spattering excitement and a few butterflies swirling around in my tummy. For me, it truly marks one of the most significant changes that I have undergone this past year. I no longer live in terror. Of course I still get nervous and frightened, but the persistent fear clutching at my chest has gone, and I am more thankful than I can say. 

I was also reminded just how loved I am. My birthday was beautiful and I felt truly cherished by the ones I love - I even got a song written for me on a piece of tissue! Some of my presents moved me to tears with the thought put into them and perhaps the best part of my birthday was the refrain running through my thoughts as I fell asleep the first night of my twenties:

 "I love my life". 

I want to keep loving my life and worshipping the God who gave me that life. Using the life God has given me to reflect His glory on the earth. 

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